Courtney Lively

I haven't blogged in awhile, and I think it's because something big happened in my life. It's something that I truly don't want to talk about, here, on my blog... but I think what I'm realizing is that I can't really move forward with my day to day without talking about it first, even if it's just for a little. It's simply too big to just pass over.

The days prior to losing my father and the days since losing my father have been by far the hardest days of my life. When you lose someone who has been a part of you for your entire life, you lose a piece of yourself with them. There is a void in my world that will never be filled. There is an ache in my heart that most definitely will never go away.


I snapped this photo of my dad during our family trip to Disneyland this last Christmas. He smiled all the way through his battle, despite the terrible pain he was in.

When I began writing my blog in May of last year, I asked my family if it was OK if I mentioned some of them once in awhile in my blog posts... when my dad responded to my email he said, "sure, just keep it light." So, for my dad, I won't go on any longer about the pain of losing him, but there are a few more things I would like to say about him.

Nobody in this world is perfect... and that includes my father. BUT, I will say that when it came to being a husband, a father and a friend, my dad got pretty darn close. He loved his family unconditionally - he worked hard everyday to provide for us. He gave me opportunities and a life that I feel incredibly grateful for. His loyalty, love and support for my mother was exemplary. He would give the shirt off his back to help those close to him. He NEVER asked for anything in return - seeing his family happy, smiling, successful, that's all he ever wanted. Selfless, ya, I'd say so... and then some. And he had jokes, jokes for everything. He made people laugh, one of the best perks of life - laughter - and he gave that to us. The world needs more people like my dad, but instead, on February 13th 2011, we lost him. It doesn't seem fair.

Life is hard. Life is uncertain. Life is scary. Life ISN'T fair. And life just plain hurts sometimes. But, it is also a gift that is full of beauty, LOVE, laughter, hugs, family, friends, fun, silliness, giggles... wondrous, wondrous things that should not be taken for granted.

I've vowed to myself that I will continue to live my life everyday in a way that will make my dad proud. He may be gone but everything he has ever taught me is in my heart. I will be the best person I can be because my dad showed me how.

As I said in my eulogy at my fathers funeral: Life isn't about living forever, we know that no one can... It's about making the most of the time we have here; smiling, laughing, loving and cherishing all the LITTLE moments that make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. I believe that in life, that's all that matters.

I'm going to keep on trucking... It's the best option. I will miss my daddy everyday, but I will be OK.